I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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