The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
