It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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