I think I just saw someone hide a body.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
