we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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