I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
