Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
