I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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