I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
