Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
