ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
