video games are the ultimate cock blocker
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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