What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
