Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
