the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
