hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
