I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
