Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
