Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Randomize
