WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
No subtext here. People are naked.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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