Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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