i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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