Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
