remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
