Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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