In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
