so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
