forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
