yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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