btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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