i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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