She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Less talking, more tequila
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
