My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize