Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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