We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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