The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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