I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
