ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
