she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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