were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
