Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
