Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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