??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
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Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
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We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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