sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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