yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Randomize
