She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
