Your face is a jimmy john
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
