if we break up, who will get the dealer?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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