My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
