do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
