i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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