I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
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he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
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