I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You're like the curious george of whores
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
