Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
