So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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