A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
soo... how was my night?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
