well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
it wasn't lemon gatorade
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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