Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
