So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm bleeding and have questions
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
