I need help removing her.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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