i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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