I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
