I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
