So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
