I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm having to shit out rocks
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
