I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
