Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
