Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
