dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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