Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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