omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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