its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
