You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
